The Same

It must have been at least ten minutes since Christian stepped into the Senate House. He knew where Tiberius's and Roz's offices were, respectively, and yet Christian remained frozen, pacing back and forth as though he was a first grader trying to tell someone he had a crush on them. Unlike a decade ago, however, Christian didn't have all the time in the world. He was busy, and he was sure Roz was too. Sooner or later, he was going to have to get back to Camp Jupiter.

Finally, he knocked on the door to her office. It had become a theme for him lately to do things that weren't smart, so long as he felt he'd regret not doing them. "Roz, it's me." He figured it was time come clean right now over later. The whole thing was a mess. What were the odds that your boss that recommend you for promotion just so happened to suffer a rough childhood because her mother had the same addiction that you did? Christian wasn't sure what the right way to proceed. He felt he had to tell Roz before leaving for Black Creek. But telling her that he hadn't told her over nine years? That would be a big pill to swallow.

"It's not an emergency. But for not being an emergency, it's.... an emergency."

Christian did as she asked, and stepped into the room. There weren't a lot of ways to start this, and Christian wasn't going to stand there silent. "You're gonna think I'm lying to you." Christian was pretty blunt on that. He knew it wasn't the best entrance, granted there wasn't any reason to create an exquisite preamble, as the end result would ultimately be the same.

"I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but there were a lot of reasons that I just couldn't." Christian said. He knew many of those reasons still applied, but not enough to justify keeping it between him and some others who learned through circumstance. Roz was the one who promoted him, without her in the picture, he could just as easily have been a Legionnaire who barely got by for years, until eventually hitting retirement. Because of her, he got to make a difference for other people. It was one of the most fulfilling things he could imagine, even if he forgot about how important it was sometimes.

He figured that he could show her, and let the bottle do the talking. He gripped it from his pocket, yanking out the small orange bottle, used for prescribed pills. The font on it was small, with the person prescribed labelled as "Abella Moreau." He placed it on the desk in front of her. "It's exactly what you think it is."

"That morning I came to you, with the quest. Mercury only gave me the page after I slipped some in his offering bowl." Christian couldn't offer a whole lot in the field of reassurance. He didn't snicker, or try to make a joke; he knew how deep this cut for Roz. "It was stupid. As if it was something that mattered to him." Christian didn't drag it on, he didn't consider himself to have issues with Mercury. There was already far too much room for issues with his blood family, and that sure as hell wasn't something he could talk to Roz about right now. At least, not the irreverent parts, the parts that didn't have to do with the addiction.

"It's over. I don't use anymore." Christian made sure to look Roz in the eyes when he said that. Lot of good that was, he figured. He knew what she was thinking, that she couldn't just take his word for that. How could you just trust an addict? He also knew that her question wasn't answered by 'I don't use anymore.' "I used for a long time, Roz." Christian found it hard to speak to her. She'd taught him so much. He wouldn't be where he was in life without her. That was a fact.

"I'd been using since before I met you. I couldn't ask you for help. I know you've already given everything you could to stop this once. It wouldn't have been fair. It was easier this way."

Christian could only offer her a gesture of his hands, an uncertain one. "Maybe." He replied, before a long winded sigh escaped him. "You gave me the chance to be here, to do what I'm doing right now." Christian echoed, a belief that he held every single day. "Promoting me helped me more than it ever could have helped Cohort Five. I didn't know that I could be someone who made a difference in anyone's life. For so many kids who get here, that's the introduction they're given. That you're a Davenport, a Virgo, a Prescott, a Julius, or cannon fodder." Christian finished. He knew that wasn't Roz's fault. "You're living proof though, that that isn't true."

"With Praetor comes an entire army to look after though. I know that. If I'd came to you, what you'd want to do wouldn't matter. I know what you'd have to do. You'd have to get me evaluated, you'd have to tell Tiberius, and you'd have to take away my title. Truth is, having Cohort Five as my family has meant more to me than anything."

Roz's kind words made him feel like he was younger again. The belief that New Rome could be better had never left him, but a certain sense of rejuvenation filled him. Her faith in him never failed, and never faulted. Then, suddenly, all of that faded. He'd lied to her for so many years now. She forgave in an instant. He didn't deserve her forgiveness.

"When I was a kid, my mom was prone to these things. She did it right in front of me and my dad. When I'd ask her what they were, my dad, he'd get really quiet. He wouldn't be angry, or happy, or sad. He'd just freeze up. I was so young, I didn't think anything of it. Even though he was a doctor, I just thought he was being polite. I thought he was doing the right thing and letting my mom answer." Christian hadn't ever told another soul about this story. Not Corinne, not Rowan, not Aspen. Yet, he felt Roz deserved to know the truth, all of it, not just the censored version that he was comfortable with.

"She'd tell me they were her 'happy pills.' There was no shame in her voice, she told me it with the kindest tone. Anyone in the world could have thought she was talking about medication and was just saying the kind thing. With all of the fighting, the violence, the anger in that tiny, cramped apartment, one night I really wanted some of the happy in those pills." He looked up to Roz, and although the story would make so much more clear, he only felt the shame of a decade of misuse. He wanted to tell her more, he wanted to tell her about when he went home. How much worse she was, how his dad was in jail for her, and his sister dead so that she could feel high for just another few minutes. Whether the blame was his or not, Christian felt the weight on his shoulders. After he'd taken her pills, nearly ten years ago, Christian figured the rest of the story was self-explanatory. Every pill popped, ever lie told, every excuse made, all caught up to him in that moment. Every moment of guilt that he'd avoided, sat on him now.

"I didn't do it alone." Christian admitted. "The few who knew, the looks they gave me, the way they treated me. Whether they meant it or not." Christian said to her. He wasn't interested in throwing Rowan under the bus. It almost made him smile to think about her. He rarely had a spare moment to even speak to her, but she was still here, and so was he. One day, in the near future, they'd sit down and talk. He looked forward to that, at least. "It was a wake up call, and it sent me home for the first time in over nine years. My mom lost a baby because of her addiction, and my dad went to jail for her. I wouldn't end up like that. I wouldn't lose my family for pills. Rowan almost paid the price for it. After all of that, I knew what I had to do."

"I'm sorry about your mom. I know it the end, she wasn't the woman you once knew, but she was still your mom." Christian slowly drew his hand to her desk, leaving it open for a handshake. "We're here now though, all of us. As long as all of us do this together, I know we can beat any enemy, tackle any challenge, survive any hardship. Not as partners, but as family. I made you an oath a long time ago. I'd like to make that oath again, clean of any influence of the last time." He requested.

The solace of calling it family was something worth keeping, something work holding onto. Maybe he didn't have family in the form of a mother or a father he could see for guidance whenever he needed to, but he had some of the greatest brothers and sisters you could ever want, and Roz was the flagship of that. He was grateful for the hug, it made him feel truly accepted by Roz once more, that they weren't just words, but a bond solidified by something maybe more thick than biological blood.

"Your curse to cause chaos wherever you go." Christian joked to her, a grin following. "Just gotta make sure you're channeling it in the right direction." Christian stepped back from her, it was a nice moment, and he didn't want to let it go. But all he'd been was busy lately. "I have prep work before tomorrow. I didn't ask Rowan to come; just too much going on in her life to deal with this. Was that the right call?" He asked. He realized this wasn't exactly Roz's strong suit either. Better to get a like-minded opinion that's different than an opposite opinion that's the same, he figured.