Hold On To This Lullaby (p)

It was strange to be back. After all this time everything was still the same as it was, everything had continued going on like she had never left. It was an odd feeling that grew in her chest, the feeling that she would no longer be able to fit back into her old life just the same as she had before, that everything would be different whether she wanted it or not. She still remembered saying goodbye to her friends and family before she had left for her mission and she never thought she'd be gone this long. The legacy had known that she was going overseas for the combat mission and it'd take some time, but not in the way they thought it would. She had hugged each one of her family members before leaving and with him, she had sat down and talked to him the night before she left.

She remembered confessing the feelings she did have for him and how she wanted to focus on herself when she came back. Both of those things were still true in what she felt, and honestly part of Aspen was dreading to see him again. What if things had changed to much and there weren't those feelings anymore? What if he had moved on? She knew Sophia told her that she didn't think he was seeing anyone, but that didn't have to mean anything either. There was a heavy weight sitting on her heart thinking about it, but she knew the best way to deal with this all was ripping the band aid off, besides that she had really wanted to see the legacy of Mercury again.

The place Aspen knew where he was as per the schedule that had been posted that Sophia mentioned to her, was that he was working on paper work this evening in the senate house, where all the paperwork got done. As she walked into the senate bulding she heard his voice call out saying that they were closed. It brought a smile to her face, but it also brought tears. It had been so long since she had heard his voice last and it was just as she could remember it. Aspen of course didn't speak until she came into the room where Christian was.

"I was going to come help with paperwork, but if you insist that you're closed I'll just leave then." she said with her usual sarcastic humour.

Christian had a total of four hours of sleep in the last 36 hours or so, which wasn't so bad considering he'd been forced into far less during his Centurion training. This wasn't the same though, during training he was put under physical exertion and constant tasking. Right now he was just left to do paperwork, the most boring paperwork imaginable for that matter. Christian had given Lauren the day off for her birthday, and spent time with her earlier, which took time from this. Aside for that, he'd given Lennie the night off, and nearly had to drill into Corinne's skull that she needed water and sleep from her hangover. That left just him.

He'd felt tired, and slightly agitated, when he heard the footsteps wandering in. "We're closed!" He called out, to who was likely going to be Katrina or Kendall coming in to finish some last minute work. Obviously, his remark wasn't going to deter a praetor, but it was worth the effort. Chances are they'd only be there for a few minutes. But Christian wanted to finish his paperwork in his grouchy state of mind in peace. He kept himself buried in it until he heard the voice, the indistinguishable voice.

Christian rose from his chair, forgetting what paper he was even looking at. He saw Aspen and felt so many emotions, and then they all shut down. He felt a fear that froze him, that Aspen might only be a hallucination from the painkillers and over-tiredness. He stood with caution, taking steps over to her. His hand slowly rose up as he approached her. He gently jabbed her collarbone with his hand a few times, it felt as real as he remembered it. He looked up to her. "You're real." He said, quietly, before his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace. "You were dead." He told her, as his emotions began to rise. "I went to your funeral."

Standing there watching him as his head lifted up from his paperwork sent a mixture of emotions swirling around inside of her body. The way he looked at her was the same that everyone she had seen so far today had given her, the 'I can't believe it' or the 'I must be dreaming' looks. She knew that her being stuck overseas and gone so long would mean that eventually people would come to the conclusion that she just wasn't going to be coming back, that they'd never see her again, but she didn't think it'd hurt her this much to see. To know she had put everyone through what she did.

As he came up to her he was touching her collarbone a few times before he came to the stunning conclusion that she was indeed real and for the first time since she had saw him she cracked a smile. "No, I'm plastic." The girl said sarcastically before she spoke again. "Of course I'm real." The legacy said with a small laugh and instinctively she wrapped her arms around him back. Her heart was beating fast in her chest as she kept her arms around him, not letting go. It was such a stupid thing, but he smelled the same as he had before, and she missed it.

Aspen's eyes began to tear up again and her lower lip trembled softly. "I've been alive the whole time. Just got stuck. I'm home now." Her voice was wavering and she couldn't help, but feel the beginnings of breaking down which was the last thing she had wanted to do, she hated crying in front of people. "I'm not going on another combat mission, I promise."

"That's not funny." Christian replied, after a long pause. He didn't know what to say, there were so many things he'd wanted to say, and so much left on hold between them. "I went to your funeral." He repeated. Eventually his arms released from her, he needed a second to breath. Between his tired eyes and his demeanor he hadn't been ready to see Aspen. It gave him so many confused feelings, but mostly, relief, like he could finally breathe after a long pause.

"I mean, Gods, Aspen." He said. "I watched your mom and sister cry their eyes out and your Cohort put your soul to rest. You didn't send any word, no letters, no phone call, no anything." He looked back over to the Virgo daughter. "Your brother damn near started a fight, he wanted me out so bad." Christian spoke hesitantly. He realized Aspen had done what she did for the legion. She didn't deserve to get scold or praise. The legion should have been holding a welcome for her to be praised.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, returning to her and giving her a more tender embrace. "I missed you." He finally told her. "And seeing you come back is scary. Because I'm leaving for my own set of orders soon." He slowly told her.

"I'm sorry." Aspen admitted to Christian when he told her that her joke wasn't funny. She knew it wasn't the time for jokes but she couldn't help it and they just came out of her mouth. The legacy did feel bad, she knew what it must be like to go so long thinking that someone was dead, but only to find out that they weren't, then to top it all off they make a joke about being real.

All she could say again was the words "I'm sorry." When he mentioned that he had to watch her family cry and her brother getting angry at him. If she could have done anything to even let them know that she was okay she would have. It wasn't easy what she had to do and she didn't have access to the outside world for so long. She didn't have the choice. Aspen was fairly sure she was going to have nightmares tonight from everything that she had experienced, and she didn't even really want to talk about it just yet.

"You're good." She said softly to him as he apologized. He gave her another hug and she could feel the warmth from it again where it had just recently felt cold. "I missed you too. A lot." She said with a bit of sadness lingering. There came a point when she thought about him at least once a day and what he was doing in the precise moment when she was gone. "I know. You'll do great, I believe in you. I can help you prepare if you need."

Christian continued to hold Aspen. There was so much that was unresolved between them, and Christian didn't know where her mind was at all. He dreaded what might come from a conversation about that, that maybe her feelings had changed. She'd been gone with other Romans for so long, dependence and time did that very often. Even if her feelings were still the same, Christian now felt confused on his own end. He'd moved on from Aspen on to Lauren, and he didn't even know if Lauren had deep feelings for him. She'd practically made sure he knew she didn't prefer to date guys. But seeing Aspen in person in front of him reminded him of so many moments, and now he was stuck remembering their promise. When she got back, they would try something serious.

"I'm ready for it." Christian said, after a long pause. There was so many things he wanted to tell her, so much he wanted to do, and yet he couldn't bring himself to do it, so he tried to forget. It didn't work.

"I just need to assemble a team, which is hard to do when I already have so much back here that isn't resolved." He told her, which he realized maybe didn't come out right. "I'm sorry, I don't mean you, I just-" Christian finally took his head off from her shoulder to look at her face. It was just as real as last time he'd seen it. His thumb came up to gently rub her cheek. The features felt the same as last time he'd been this close to her. "I feel like I'll wake up in the morning and this would have all been a dream."

Aspen listened when he mentioned he was ready for the combat mission, in some way it almost felt like maybe she'd be making a mistake in staying home now. The fact that no one would really need her anymore after this, that her duties were pretty much done. In some way the legacy liked to feel needed for things and now it was like smacking into a brick wall with realization that her time for need was going to be up. Of course she knew that it was time to make way for others to be needed and for them to start going on their own adventures, but it still felt like she was losing a part of herself.

The legacy of Victoria felt his thumb rubbing on her cheek and her eyes met with his. Everything about seeing his facial features now, just reminded her of so many memories of before she left and on so many things she missed out on in the year she was gone that it made her want to cry. Her lip began to tremble again and she was trying desperately to cling onto keeping herself in tact.

"Christian." She managed to get out and it was barely audible. Her hand reached over to his free one and she held it, "I still want to do what we promised to do. I know it's possible you've moved on from then, and you need to go forward with whatever you're doing. I wont blame you for any of it. I also will understand if you need time to process, I've probably taken you by surprise, but for just tonight maybe you can come over and we can sleep and wake up together, then you'll know it's not a dream."

Feeling her hand on his made Christian remember so many things about the past. All of the long talks after midnight, the quick kisses at Camp Jupiter, and the late night secret visits to Aspen's room in the Virgo Household. He'd missed so much about the past and what she played in it. Even though Sophia and Eli Virgo didn't take a shine to Christian, and they probably had good reasons, the Virgo mom had been fond of him. At first, Christian had only ever snuck in to spend time with Aspen. Eventually he'd begun coming over through the front door, and the Virgo mom was kind to him in a way he'd long forgotten.

He hadn't seen their mother since before the combat mission, save Aspen's funeral. He felt guilty about it, but just the mention of spending a night together made him feel hopeful. Still, he felt his heart stress over the thought. He had to tell her. "There's a girl. Lauren, I don't know if you ever talked to her." He explained. "We aren't dating, but we did... stuff." He confessed. He knew he didn't have to, but he was confused, and maybe saying it all aloud would make it better. "She's coming over here later, it's her birthday tonight. But after lights out comes, I'd love to spend the night with you, if you still want to." He nearly pleaded.

Everything finally felt like it were in place again and for a small span of time it was if she had never left. There were so many moments that they had spent together in the past from just being friends and to the times where he began to come over to her house more. She remembered the first time her mom had met him that she had made the remark that Christian was cute. From there her mother would invite him over more for dinner or family functions when she was home and able to.

Although all those warm feelings and memories came to a screaming halt the moment she heard the words 'there's a girl.' Part of Aspen wanted to just rip away from Christian and go to another part of the room or just anywhere else and cry, but she forced herself to listen. Her heart dropped and as much as she said she would understand, she wasn't sure she could, but she wanted to.

Aspen took a deep breath in before she spoke, "I understand. You thought I was dead. There was no way you could have known I was around. If I died I wouldn't have wanted you to wait around forever." The words came out slowly and gently, and she managed to maintain her composure. "I get it though, it's probably not best if she see's me here with you then." She remained at the same talking pace and she was getting up to making her choice.

"I still want you to." She confirmed, stating she wanted him to still come spend the night with her. It had been a long day and now it felt even longer with being told what she was told. "Can't make any promises I'll still be awake." The older girl teased.

Christian felt relief when Aspen said she'd understood. He didn't regret his time with Lauren for a second, it was a special time for him, and he felt a lot of confusion in this moment. He worried Aspen would tell him he wouldn't be forgiven, or that he wouldn't get the time he needed to figure out his feelings. To know that she understood was a huge sigh of relief. While he still had a tough conversation with Lauren, likely a much more stressful one, he could feel good knowing Aspen understood. She always seemed to understand him.

"Already be sleeping, huh?" Christian couldn't help but a small smile form on his lips. His thumb returned to rubbing against the smooth features of her face. It felt warm, inviting, and brought with it a sense of familiarity. "That's too bad. I was hoping to use the front door and say 'hi' to Julia." Christian hadn't teased the legacy in a year now, and it felt good to do again. "Can't stay awake just a little longer for me? I'd do it for you." He fake-complained in a joking tone.

Aspen could feel a pit in her stomach. She knew part of her might get disappointed from seeing Christian again, and she wouldn't say so much disappointed, but there was definite hurt running through her body as she stood in his embrace. The urge to cry was still there, but Aspen usually liked to stay calm and remain emotionless until she was completely alone, which was going to be difficult.

The pit and knots in her stomach began to die down a bit as his thumb rubbed against her cheek again. She could almost fall asleep in that moment and just enjoy the soft touch, but she knew that most likely in a few minutes she was going to have to leave anyways, it was probably best that she wasn't here when the other girl, Lauren showed up. "She'd like that. It would make things feel normal again for her." Aspen said with a small smile before she spoke again, "I'll stay up a little longer for you. I promise." The girl was tempted to press her lips to his, but in one aspect it just didn't feel right to do so, not when he had interest in another girl, especially when they were in an area where she could show up at any time, and Aspen didn't want to be the reason for a fight.

"That's my girl." Christian cooed to her in a tease when she promised she'd stay awake. Christian kept his hand on her face, the sensation felt like home. It was warm and welcoming, it almost felt like she hadn't been gone for a while year. It felt like she hadn't even been gone for a day. A year could change a lot, but it was comforting that Aspen had hardly changed at all. Her face still looked exactly the same as it had when he'd seen her last. Especially her eyes.

"So then tell Julia I'll see her at 11:00. You're welcome to join us." Christian playfully concluded. Christian slowly felt himself drifting towards the girl in front of him, before he stopped himself. He hated being even an inch from the girl, but he knew that he had to be fair in what was a bad situation for all involved.

"Are you sure the other girl isn't my mom?" Aspen questioned playing along with his joke. The legacy almost felt a little bit of awkwardness linger as they stood there, it was clear there were some feelings, but Aspen didn't want to confuse him more. She wanted to kiss him, but she felt it'd be wrong right now, and she wanted to stay, but she didn't want to impose on him and Lauren. Aspen sighed softly before looking to him, "I'll tell her you're coming though, I don't know if she'll be home tonight, she said works been crazy recently."

Aspen stayed fore a few more minutes just taking him in and savoring the small moment. "I should probably go though. Don't want to possibly upset Lauren. But I did miss you a lot and I look forward to see you tonight." Aspen said before she gave him a small peck on the lips and breaking from the embrace.