Your Presence Still Lingers Here

The passed few days had been hard on her. She didn't know what to do at this point she felt lost without him even though she saw him at least once a day. Just the other day she saw him while she was in the shower and he had been talking to her, and the day before that she saw him on the field of mars. Everywhere she went he seemed to be there or he had followed her there and she didn't understand why she kept seeing him. Maybe she wanted to? Maybe she needed to? Aspen didn't know. Some nights she had to fight with herself to drink something to tune it out or to take some sort of sleeping pills to knock her out for the night, but sometimes he was there in the morning too.

The legacy didn't know what to do. She came to one place that she figured that she would never see him, the one place where she could maybe get some refuge and a moment to breathe. She began to climb up the old aqueduct before she finally reached the top of it which was flat on top. Usually it was fairly dangerous to be up her, but today wasn't a super windy day and Aspen would be cautious enough.

She let the light breeze hit her face as she closed her eyes and took in the moment. She was trying to imagine herself anywhere else but there, trying to imagine her in a world completely different than the one she lived in. Once she had calmed down she opened her eyes again and she could see him there out of the corner of her eye. It was almost is if it were a hard pill to swallow with the fact that he was showing up. It messed with her head bad, she knew she should stop him every time he showed up, but she took any chance she could to just see him one more time. To hear him one more time.

"I thought I didn't want to see you, but now that I do see you, I realized I was wrong." Aspen spoke softly to him.

Christian could be seen sitting next to Aspen, up on the aqueduct. He was giving her a disappointed look in her decision to be up here, with his head tilted in her direction.

"You know how dangerous it is to be up here, right?" Christian asked her. He had his arms crossed, clearly upset with her. "You and Lauren both, it's like you want to die." He muttered, before he stopped and his features softened and his arms let go of their tension in their crossed positioned.

"Sorry." He slowly said. "I wanted to see you too. But, too little too late, right?" He solemnly said. "You died too." Christian said. "You died too and I kept fighting. So shouldn't you keep fighting too?" Christian asked.

Aspen just looked out at the view from up where she was. She hadn't had the courage to look over at him. She didn't want to see what she knew would be a disappointed look on his face, besides that the from here was nice. She rolled her eyes at the mention of wanting to die and she shook her head. The legacy still hadn't said any words yet, but they were coming.

With a deep breath in she looked over at him. All the same emotions came rushing in, the ones that loved and adored him, the ones that longed to be with him, the ones that were even a little scared to see him. "I've thought about it." Aspen said being honest, but just because she had thought about it didn't mean she really wanted to do it. "Doesn't mean I want to though." She also told him.

"I'm sorry I was never there when you needed me most. I was gone for a year and you needed me, and I didn't do anything, you're right. I didn't call, I didn't write any letters, or anything. You needed me, and I wasn't there. You needed me when you-" Aspen was about to choke up as she could feel her lower lip twitching. She let an exhale out and tried to blink back her tears. "I don't even know how to get myself to feel like fighting, Christian."

Christian looked at Aspen with a strange look, before only being able to offer her a shrug. "I wish you said that to me when I was alive." Christian admitted. "I mean, not that I ever doubted your feelings. I just dodged all of mine instead of facing them. And I'd have loved to have been able to dance with you again. See Julia again. Sometimes kissing isn't enough, you know?" He finished, letting his head rest on Aspen's shoulder.

"I've never felt like fighting anything. I think I told you that once. You know, you always were so good at fighting. I only ever got good at it so you'd like me, but I think you knew that somewhere deep down." Christian said. "Think of this as a tough enemy. Adapt and overcome, Aspen. Don't let me win."

"I wish I had too. I never thought you'd die." She said and as she felt the tears coming back up and this time she couldn't stop them from coming down. There was some sense of comfort as he rested his head on her shoulder. It was nothing like it used to be and she knew it wasn't real, but it still felt good to have.

"I only knew how to fight because I had to. If I could pick what happened in my life, fighting wouldn't be one of them. I'd just want to paint off in rural Italy or something. Anything away from this. Anything that led a more peaceful and less heart ache like, life." Aspen wiped the tears from her face as she continued to sit there with him. "I would love to hold you again. I wish I could have been there to make your fears go away. I just wish we could have had a life together. Eventually with both of us retiring and then whatever the next step would be."

Christian let out a laugh. It was a genuine laugh at Aspen's words. "If only you knew how attractive I thought you were when I watched you fight." Christian told her with glee in his voice. "Until I saw your paintings, I thought you only mastered just one art." He told her.

"Italy, huh?" He repeated to her. "I'm not really partial to Italian. I can do French, but maybe I can get behind it. Maybe live on the mountains. Though I can't imagine we'd even leave the house everyday." He told her, letting out a laugh as he nuzzled her neck with his head.

When Christian made his subtle flirt and nuzzled her neck she couldn't help but laugh. It was probably one of the few times she cracked a smile or a laugh since she had gotten his letter. "I don't need to leave the house to paint anyways, not with the views we could have." Aspen said with a small smile. He seemed so real and to be honest, in some ways that broke her heart more, knowing none of it was real, but holding onto him like this felt better than having to say good bye forever.

"We could have gotten married. The wedding night would have been fun, but I think getting to spend the rest of my life with you would have been a lot more fun. Maybe even at some point we could have started a family. I would be lying if I said I never thought about what our kids would be like before." Aspen admitted. She wanted to lean her head on his, but she knew it wasn't really going to be there, so instead she would take in all the touches he could give.

"The brave Virgos and the reckless Moreaus. What could go wrong?" Christian returned her thoughts about their kids. "Please, you know they'd be the biggest jerks. Imagine a bunch of hyperactive Sophia's who like to pull pranks and steal." He teased Aspen, like he always had. He had a grin plastered on his face.

"I don't know how fun our wedding night would be. I mean, I love Julia and all, but I don't think we'd be getting any privacy that night. I think she'd want to come with us on the honeymoon." He said, peacefully. "Why? Are you proposing to me, darling?" He gently asked.

"That is an entertaining thought." Aspen mused when he talked about how their kids would be, she had given it thought before and she always figured that they would end up with their hands full at one point or another. "I feel like our kids would start out oddly quiet though. But slowly get louder as they aged." She said contributing a few thoughts in.

When he asked if she was proposing, part of her got sad again. It was nice to talk about the future, but it was too hard to go to those extremes. She fell silent a little and her gaze returned to look back out onto the landscape. "I would have liked to. I mean, I would love to, but you aren't really here. Even if I touch you, you might go away. I tried to go out and find you a few days ago. I don't know... Maybe you're still alive somehow. A body was never brought home for you. Is this how you felt?" Aspen asked as she slowly looked over to him, tears in her eyes.

"Yeah." Christian replied. "It was watered down though. I got to sit around for six months hoping that something went wrong, but that you might show up. And even if it was only you that showed up? It would be a loss for the legion. But I'd have traded all their lives for yours with no hesitation." He explained. "I mean, you have to know that anyway." Christian fell silent for a moment, before speaking again. "They declared you dead, and I guess that was the day I had to start to accept it. I didn't, obviously, I still thought about you all the time. Watered down, like I said." Christian

"Italy sounds nice." Christian lingered on the subject. "Maybe you don't need me to do that, though." Christian shrugged. "I hear Sophia is fun to travel with. I never got the time to tell you about that whole stupid thing in Alaska." Christian conveyed his annoyance in his voice about the memory.

The brunette fell silent as it was just her sitting alone up there. Christian was beside her in her mind, but that was it, he was just part of a memory she had. When he brought up Italy again she sighed softly. "To be honest, I love Sophia and all, but I would want to go with you or alone." She said with a slight shrug of her shoulders. He had been right though, that he never got to tell her about the Alaskan trip, they had both been so busy since she had gotten back that it never came up.

"I never got to tell you about a lot of things. There's so much that I needed you to lean on for, but I came back and you were gone." She spoke softly as she looked over to him again. She wanted to be able to hold him, to touch him, or even to just kiss him, but she had to keep reminding herself that she couldn't.

"Mars isn't my dad you know."

"I know." Christian replied to her. "You wouldn't believe the amount of people that I've disappointed in my lifetime." He said it with a dull tone. It was like that was just a fact to him that didn't even matter. He trailed away from the strange statement, not finding room to linger on something Aspen surely didn't want to hear.

"Michael Davenport is." Christian replied, giving her a teasing look, before putting his finger to his cranium. "I wouldn't know that- yeah, but. Phew, imagine that. I was so positive that Liam Davenport has always had a thing for you. Make sure when you move on to the next guy that it isn't him." Christian teased.

"Never think that you've disappointed me." Aspen spoke softly and instantly wanted to hug him to make him feel better, in her mind she was and hopefully he could feel it. "Lennie told me a bit more on why you lost your fight, she didn't go into detail, but I have some guesses. Even still, whatever it is. I'm not disappointed in you."

She took a deep breath in and then slowly exhaled it. "Please, I don't think Liam has a thing for me. Besides even if he did, I never noticed, I only wanted you. I truly mean that. I honestly don't think there will be a next guy." Aspen admitted. It was a hard thing to think about and she wasn't sure she would ever be ready to even consider dating a guy again.

"I've always liked Lennie." Christian admitted. "Seriously, from day one, I could tell how bad she wanted to be a part of things. I think you see that too. You should take some time to think about the greater good of this scenario. The things that Lennie can do that I could not." Christian advised her, giving her one last long nuzzle.

"Don't make me fight you on dating other people, Aspen." Christian gently warned. "I should be the one sad at the thought, not you." Christian's head finally left Aspen's shoulder, as his legs braced against the edge of the aqueduct and he stood. "You'll have to move on someday. Khronos doesn't wait for anyone. Not even someone as tough as you, Aspen Virgo." Christian concluded. "Gonna be okay if I head home?"

As she felt him nuzzle against her neck again she couldn't help, but let out a small giggle. It was one of the happier moments she had since all of this began, and having him there with her just meant so much to her. She wished it were real though, but seeing him now was better than none at all.

"I don't have to move on. I can be alone for the rest of my life. I'll always have Sophia and various different friends and all that." She said softly. She knew he wanted her to be free to move on, but right now? It didn't feel like that would ever be possible and maybe it would be later, but she just couldn't see it. Aspen watched as he stood up and asked if it'd be alright if he went home, she looked up at him for a brief moment and took a deep breath in.

"Of course it is. I'll miss you, I love you." Aspen said as she could feel part of the sadness start to settle in again.

"Different friends." He repeated to her in a tease. "Love you too." Christian repeated to Aspen, giving her the brightest of smiles. "I'll see you later. Stay sharp. I wasn't the only person who needs you. Your family does too, your Cohort, your 'different friends.' Don't let 'em down." Christian departed the advice to her.

He spun his legs so he was facing her, before his heels began to falter, and he slowly began to fall backwards, gravity took effect and Christian began to topple, his body flew down from the aqueduct, and if it was anything but fictional, would have hit the ground with a loud bang.